Panic!

Yes, panic.

Those tiny moments where you wonder if you've completely made the wrong choice or if you're about to completely make the wrong choice.

My life if basically chaos. If there is a crack to fall through, I will fall through it. If there is a fucked up, spineless, backstabbing, thief of a roommate to be had, I will have them. If there is any possibility in being sued thousands of dollars for less than 1,000 downloaded files, I will be sued thousands of dollars. So I save up all my money, don't get a roommate and stop the downloading of all & any type of file. Inevitably, something else Will go wrong.

I sign up for classes. My car breaks down the first week. I bust my ass to catch up. My Mom gets sick & I am dropped from most of my classes.

Part of me feels like whats the point? Everything I work for is sabotaged by my life. Part of me thinks that making a big change in my life will, well, change things.

This is where the panic comes in. What happens when it goes wrong? What happens when the same thing that always happens Here happens There? What happens if I went left but I should have gone right?

What happens when a meteor from space cuts through the atmosphere for a straight shot into my skull as I ignorantly sit in the middle of my unfortunate life wondering what the Hell else can go wrong?

Because with my luck, the meteor wouldn't kill me & it wouldn't be covered by my insurance either.

I'd rather be lonely...

…than be with some who isn’t Awesome.

It’s why I’m single.

I’m also single because I make a point to look at things rationally. I could date, but it’d be over in a few weeks because I get bored of people fairly easily. Not because I learn everything about them in a short amount of time but because the more I learn, the less I’m interested.

That doesn’t mean we can't be friends and watch movies sometimes. It just means I'm not going to get emotionally attached so don't expect me to. If we have the same taste in movies then we don’t have to worry about filling the time with conversation that I’m only going to pay partial attention to. Just sit back, keep your hands to yourself and enjoy the movie.

I suppose this is sort of inspired by the song lyric “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.”

I hate that lyric. I think it’s a terrible thing to say and an even more terrible thing to practice. G, I’m in love with him but I guess you’ll do. Who wants to be the person you’re settling for? I don’t want to be with someone if they’re always wishing I was someone else, that’s crap.

So why would I do that to someone else? So I can feel desired? Loved? Why would it make me feel better to have someone I’m not interested in be interested in me?

Ooooh It must be a control issue, right? You want to know that no matter what, you’ve got options?

Yeah, that doesn’t do it for me either. That’s like sending me to a cheesecake shop for dessert and telling me I have ‘so many’ options. Those aren’t options, they’re cheesecake. I don’t care if they come in 32 fruity, crumbly, drizzely flavors.

I hate cheesecake.

I’m not going to spend my money on a dessert I don’t want to eat. And I’m not going to waste my time (and somebody else’s) on a relationship I don’t want to be in.

A guy tried to tell me once that I “Just haven’t met the right guy.” He was trying to get me to go out with him. I don’t think he realized that I’d met him, and he wasn’t the right guy.

For someone who knows nothing about me, I think he was taking a pretty big risk with that statement. How would he know that I hadn’t met the right guy? How awful would he have felt if I put on my sad face and explained how the love of my life proposed to me and then died tragically in a cheesecake mixer?

So that’s why I don’t date. Because everyone is cheesecake.

No, we really shouldn't. . .

Some of you already know that I went on a date with a distant business associate the other night. We work in the same field, we’ve exchanged casual emails, no big deal. I was more excited about going to B&N after dinner to get a few Jim Butcher books than the dinner arrangement itself.

Let’s face it, dating isn’t my style. I’d rather be rebuilding a bike/playing video games/blowing up watermelons/et. al. with my bestfriend. A free meal isn’t much of an incentive for me…

So I go to dinner. He’s a nice guy, whatever. Turns out he’s also a Republican. I really couldn’t care less. One less thing to talk about over enchiladas but I’ll survive. As he’s ordering, he purposefully mispronounces words. I assumed it was one of those Super Trooper “meow” things but no, he wants to offend the waiter. He is of the opinion that if they’re going to move to ‘Our’ country and not take the time to properly learn our language then he isn’t going to learn theirs.

Really? At least you have no problem eating their food…

It was bound to happen, I just had to know. How did he vote on Prop 8? This is important to me. This issue is probably the one I am most passionate about. Of course, he voted YES to ‘protect the sanctity of marriage’. He explained that he wasn’t against gays/bis/lesbians having equal rights, he was against it being called ‘Marraige’. Because marraige is between a man and a woman, so ‘they’ have to call it something else.

You know, seperate but equal. Because we all know how well that works out.

How petty is that? Very petty. Just because I don’t plan on getting married doesn’t mean this opinion doesn’t piss me the hell off.

So that’s the end of it. I’m going home before I bitchslap him. Now that I look back, I wish I would have. But it’s not like I’m ever speaking to this guy again, right?

Wrong.

A few days later I get a drunk text from him saying that we should make out. No, we really shouldn’t. Then he wants a boob picture.

Really dude? I mean, really?

Just once I’d like to be pleasantly surprised in someone.

Story of my life

My best friend's girlfriend accused him of cheating - with me.

Granted, girlfriends always hate me. (I've heard this is a common problem with mixed sex friendships). I act like a guy most of the time and I generally think like one too. This being said, it's annoying when a girlfriend asks her boyfriend to stop hanging out with me because she feels threatened by me. First of all, if you don't trust him don't date him. (This goes for men too).

Right, you have insecurities and people have been known to cheat in the past. I couldn't care less. If you're with someone it's because you think they're better than everyone else. Let's face it, you're not going to stop eating out when the homecookin tastes like crap.

So, you establish a boyfriend. You trust him. You are allowed feelings of insecurity. You're a woman. It goes with the territory. Everyone has their image of what beauty is and it's rare to find someone who fits into their own ideal. Ok.

So lets get with the situation at hand. My best friend of over 4yrs. Life is not a romantic comedy - we are not going to miraculously realize we've been secretly in love with each other. It's been years, if it was gonna happen it would have.

I am not a secret friend and you sleep together every night.

Don't drive by his house at night and assume we're having sex because my car is there. Of all our friends, he & I are the only ones with cars. Think about it.

Also, don't send him a vague and angry text msg and then refuse to speak to him when he calls you to find out what the heck was wrong. Not only is he confused and worried, but the rest of us hanging out are there to witness you being an idiot. Men have this thing, called Pride, it's kind of a huge deal for them. If they're afraid of looking stupid for keeping you around after acting weird, possessive and crazy, they're less likely to keep you around. If it could be swept under the rug with no one the wiser, then you get a bonus point for being subtle (and, dare I say it? Reasonable).

Yes, I understand. I'm a girl that hangs out with your boyfriend a lot. Relationships are not perfect and he's a little hard to read. So talk to him. Let him know that you're not sure where you stand (even if it's retarded because you're his damn girlfriend, you should know he cares about you if he's willing to give up all other pussy for You). Don't act like crazy girlfriend. Don't make accusations. Don't jump to conclusions. You've heard the saying, when you assume you make an ass out of u and me. It's true. He'll appreciate you getting to the point logically instead of getting pissed. Your chosen course of actions leaves him figuring he's better off, now that he knows how you 'really are'.

The moral? Approach these things logically. Hell, approach Everything logically. Treat your partner with respect and you won't insult them to the point that they're pissed off and would prefer you out of the picture than deal with you. Consider how you'd feel if they didn't want you hanging out with your friend(s) because they didn't trust you- I'm sorry, because they felt threatened by the fact that you have a whole life that started before you two met. And ultimatums are Bad. "It's me or them" is a bad corner to color someone into; we're not talking about a gambling addiction here so don't treat it like one.

Geek vs. Nerd

Wow, over a year, I'm totally lame. . . here's a quick tidbit of important information and then I'll see if I can't get back to a regularly scheduled program.


Some of you know me pretty well, and you know how I feel about this. Others may need a little illumination, if only so that they don't say the wrong thing to someone else down the line. Please, pay attention because I'm only gonna post this once.

Let me explain. . . No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

I am not a Nerd. I am, in fact, a Geek.

Yes, there is a difference.

A Geek is of the popular arts culture. Comic books, science fiction movies/trilogies/tv shows. Many of us affiliate ourselves with subgroups like 'Trekkies' or 'Browncoats'. We know what Z Day is and we are probably preparing for it. I am a Geek, don't ask me to rebuild your computer.

A Nerd is of the technical flare. Hyperlinks and drives and tiny computer chip tools. Nerds win science fairs and compete in robotics competitions. They know what PC Loadletter means and they laughed their asses off when Michael broke the copier in Office Space. These are Nerds, don't ask them who Laura Kinney is in the Marvel Universe.

Yes, some Geeks are also Nerds and some Nerds are also Geeks. Since Geeks are fond of MMORPGs the lines have blurred; you have to know what a LAN Party is before you can have one, so adding points to your technical skill is inevitable.

Repeat after me - Geeks read comics and Nerds build robots.

There are a lot of people out there who don't know the difference. I'm counting on all of you to help stop the ignorance.



Also, if you caught that I quoted Inigo Montoya. You have a little Geek in you. Be proud!