Panic!

Yes, panic.

Those tiny moments where you wonder if you've completely made the wrong choice or if you're about to completely make the wrong choice.

My life if basically chaos. If there is a crack to fall through, I will fall through it. If there is a fucked up, spineless, backstabbing, thief of a roommate to be had, I will have them. If there is any possibility in being sued thousands of dollars for less than 1,000 downloaded files, I will be sued thousands of dollars. So I save up all my money, don't get a roommate and stop the downloading of all & any type of file. Inevitably, something else Will go wrong.

I sign up for classes. My car breaks down the first week. I bust my ass to catch up. My Mom gets sick & I am dropped from most of my classes.

Part of me feels like whats the point? Everything I work for is sabotaged by my life. Part of me thinks that making a big change in my life will, well, change things.

This is where the panic comes in. What happens when it goes wrong? What happens when the same thing that always happens Here happens There? What happens if I went left but I should have gone right?

What happens when a meteor from space cuts through the atmosphere for a straight shot into my skull as I ignorantly sit in the middle of my unfortunate life wondering what the Hell else can go wrong?

Because with my luck, the meteor wouldn't kill me & it wouldn't be covered by my insurance either.